Out of My Hands

My Mind can't comprehend its thoughts

It simply relays them to the body

Through the effects of the hypothalamus

The brain sends waves to the nerves

Nerve wrecked the body shakes

Nerve pain...

Please let it not be a stroke

All the stroke I can take is the stroke on my back

As he hugs me tight

As he tells me it is all right

Not to give up the fight

Of that which I really want.

My Mind can't comprehend its thoughts

It is confused about

Celibacy or Marriage

Solitude or Company.

Afraid to think

Afraid to blink

Afraid to speak

To speak of my fears that lie deep

Of loneliness and darkness

Of cold nights and an empty bed

Sleeping on the sofa set

That's small enough to feel cosy

To give me the illusion that i am not alone.

Afraid to imagine

Afraid to touch him

Afraid to call him honey

For he is real

I live in him

He lives in me

We live 

In the same house

Sleep

In the same bed

Share

The same wardrobe

Eat

On the same dining table

And soon

Little imitations of him and me

Will be roaming our sitting room

Soon they will be all grown up

Graduated

Married

Living in a house with a big swimming pool

Or...

What if that is not the case

That my case gets sensitive

small home

husband and wife

dull lives

quarreling nights

second wife

barren first wife..

What then?

Cry and pray

Pray and cry

Threaten to leave

A life I stopped living?

My Mind can't comprehend

Its thought of regret

My Body can't comprehend

Its marks of history

Its valleys of geography

Imprinted with a permanent marker

Case capitalized

Case closed

The verdict...

I'll let you decide

Tough Love

We lose ourselves

Not to find ourselves.

We lose ourselves

Because we let it happen.

We let ourselves

To be dragged by the motions of life.

We let ourselves

To not care about our dreams anymore.

We let ourselves

To become Lazy.

Then we are carried away by the drift

Daydreaming

Procrastinating

Of a life without meaning

Of a life that seeks nothing at all

Living lives that are not our own

Wasted time

Wasted potential

When will you wake up?

Cravings

I'd like to indulge in the pleasures of the world

wait...

don't misquote me

before you listen to what i have to say

i don't refer to the indulgence
the pleasures of premarital sex
that's the norm of my age this day
where love is merely sugar coated lust

i don't refer to the indulgence
the pleasures of drugs
that's the norm of my age this day
where weed is used more than managu, the weed

i refer to the indulgence
the pleasures of the beautiful sun before 11am
the sight of the rainbow in its glimmering colors
the sight of true love, accompanied by honest natural PDA
for yes... such still exists

despite the trash talk that goes around about it

Rumours of "They are Friends With Benefit" will spread

but reality is They are Friends Of Benefit

They care and love each other
Oblivious of the world
How they act in public is how they act in private
Remaining...
True to their love
True to themselves.

I refer to the indulgence
The pleasures of the scent of the earth when it is about to rain
the horrible smell of flowers unknown
Who said all pleasures need to be pleasurable?
A mothers joy is still her biggest pain;
the day she bares a child
Then the pain is washed away;

by the cry of the child

As she holds it;

to see the human she bore for 9 months

I'd like to indulge in the pleasures of the world because

I have been too busy worrying about tomorrow 

Instead of living in the present
I have been too busy chasing happiness in specific people
Instead of drawing happiness from everyday life
Blind to those who have always been my joy
Blind to the beauty of nature
Blind to the beauty I possess
Joy and love found within me
Happiness, a state of mind

Well then

I seek to pen off here

And now that you understand my cravings

Come join me

Let's indulge in the endless pleasures of the world: )

Dark Yet Lovely

She is a tornado dressed as the 11am sun

she sun kisses your soul without touching your body

she warms your heart at the perfect degree

she is but an appetite

she never serves main courses

She could be dessert

But with an after taste 

She is the ice cream you crave during summer 

the morning coffee that jump starts your brains

She knows how to sweeten your taste buds

Cool your temper 

And keep you hooked

She, a drug with no detox

Yet 

There is a but about her

Remember she is a tornado

No matter how beautiful 

No matter how charming 

No matter how calm she looks

She is a tornado

that needs the hand of God to calm down

And needs you to have the might and patience to wait it out

To eventually love her in her different seasons

For she will rain, her tears will flood her eyes

For she will rip off the roof of your heart

But her true skin is within her somewhere 

The 11am sun she is having a hard time keeping permanent

The calm night sky her eyes the stars

The moon her soul

She will brighten your life

Sooth your wounds

Tender to your being 

With warm loving hands.

Paint the City The Color Of My Skin

paint my city Black

royal dark blue as the Sudanese

black as ebony

black as coal

gold is the color of my complexion

paint my city Black

paint it with love

rub out the discrimination

paint in the peace

love my identity

proud to be me

love for humanity

black identity

i can be whoever i set out to be

paint my city Black 

no you cant touch my skin

or feel my hair

i ain't a monkey in a zoo

i am human like you

paint my city Black

my culture is unique 

I am not weak

I shall not be naive

I know my rights

I shall fight for my identity

Paint my city Black

As black as my skin

As red as my lips

As white as my teeth

A true African Queen

A Bad Haircut

So I went to my barber

For my usual haircut

I trusted no other barber

Except this one

I picked a fashion magazine

Turned the pages with interest

Got sucked in with the content of the pages

Relaxed and left him to do his work

Oops

Bad idea?

To assume this day will turn out like any other?

That I will lift my head off the pages of the magazine

Pay the barber

Glance at the mirror

Smile to myself

And walk out the barbers shop

With my Usual Haircut?

On this single day

The barber might have been having a bad day

Or it was just a reminder

That we are all human

Humans make mistakes

My barber can make a mistake -

Something I strongly doubted

My barber had actually made a mistake

He didn't give me my Usual Haircut

I am not one to shout

To cry

Or curse

He was already saying his sorry

That he wasn't careful with my hair

He was already begging

To make it alright

And I let him

Correct his mistake

And guess what?

A temporary bad haircut

Turned out to be my next big brand

And now it is my permanent

Though I don't long for another bad haircut

For it might not take a good turn

As this current one:)

Blank

Blank

As a white sheet of paper

Empty

As a vacated room ready for demolition

Blank pages

Empty spaces

Black life

Hollow shell

A caged soul

A wrecked ship

A disembodied being

What's left worth saving?

She stares

She petrifies 

Hollow sad globe eyes

She speaks 

Skunks have nothing on her

Stench of death she reeks

She's a walking corpse

An apocalypse that can't be stopped 

The virus has spread

Faster than the oxgen you inhale and the carbon (IV) oxide you exhale

She's a ticking time bomb

Who'll bring down 100square feet of those around her

Understand

Crazy

Tormented

Trapped

Hopeless

Helpless

Abandoned

Condemned

Torture

Not thinking straight

Not feeling straight

Not seeing straight

Not behaving straight

Screw up

Lazy

Trouble

Emotional wreck

Voices in my head

Pain in my chest

Emptiness in my stomach

Weakness in my bones

Stop

Stooop

Please...

Sto..o..p

I can't take it no more

Free me

Unchain me

Let go of me

Hold me close

Let me cry it out

Let me draw it out

Don't turn off the lights

Don't take me back to darkness

Be my light

Don't let me go

Don't judge me

Just love me

Grammar

The dawn of a new day

Or is it a new day has dawned?

I will let you decide which fits best.

With what I am about to say,

Grammar matters.

But entirely for the purposes of ensuring you say what you exactly mean

Rather than to make a person struggle,

For them to understand what you want to say.

This is such an example of what may or may not make sense

Rather you have to read it keenly

To make sense of it.

Just but the beginning of the journey...

They look at me as though I am dirt

Smelly and rotten

Like I am from the cabbage garbage dump

They call me names

Tag my black tough pony tails

Poke my skin with sticks and stones

Just to see if I can bleed

Just to see if they can wash my skin clean

I bet they would soak me in bleach

To see if that would work on me

Yet my pony tails and skin

Hold the tales of my ancestry

White little eyes

At the corner of the class

Foreign in the environment she is in

Made to feel like a housefly in a bowl of soup

Disgusting and unwanted

She stares brave

She stands bare

Not hiding from the onlookers

Her fellow classmates

Examining her like an extinct animal

As though they are at a zoo

Taking photos 

Pointing fingers 

Fright in their eyes

But she is a small little girl 

She can't bite 

She is just black

Mother wasn't for the idea

Daddy proclaimed, 

"She is my strong little girl.

She will do fine in her new school. 

She will represent our race well. 

She is as worthy to study in that university

As any other person

Pink, red, black or white."

Mother let go

Tears she held close 

But careful not to let any drop drop

From her big white eyes 

As she saw the same eyes stare at her

From the body of her grown little girl 

She had to be strong

Not just for her

But for every other child as her own

Black and unwanted 

Condemned and ridiculed

Deemed illiterate and backward

Not worthy of education 

Just slavery

The Life in Words

Don't blame me for my words

that flow out my mouth

through the path of my soul to my heart

my every nerve

Not forgetting my mind

For being involved sometimes

Don't blame me for my words

That cut across your heart

That make you shed a tear or two

Or causes you to rethink your life

For What's my purpose of writing?

If it doesn't move you?

Make you think twice?

Touch your soul?

Strike your every being?

Dis-harden your heart?

Motivate you in the process?

To move you to do something about injustice?

To make you think twice about judging, discrimination...? - the list is endless

To touch your soul with my bitter sweet words?

To strike your every being so as to attain a new way of thinking, feeling and treating others?

That's positive and peaceful?

To dis-harden your heart to accept love, to show love, to share love, to be human?

Don't blame me for my words 

I don't have control over them

They have a mind of their own

They have a flow of their own

I just follow

Where they lead me

I just follow

For I am a vessel

I just follow

For I am a medium

I just follow

Because it may be my purpose

Break the Silence

Today they all came knocking at my door

I refused to open up

So they brought down the door

All my walls came crashing down 

Marble and cement 

Dust and rocks

Bent metals

Broken windows

Seeking to destroy the foundation 

Only time will tell if she stands on firm ground. 

He listens to the rhyme of his breathing 

Because he no longer trusts the rhythm of his heart beat

His mind unravels day by day

His body feels every pain

At the edge of the building he stands

Weighing what choice to make

One push

he falls

No push

he jumps

It's evident

He gave up a long time ago. 

They were stars

That didn't glow in the dark

Obscured by their own insecurities,

Illusions, delusions, hallucinations

Lost in their own reality

Missing a big chunk of themselves

Yanked out?

Spat out?

Trashed?

Crashed? 

Self hate and depression

SHOUT!

SPEAK OUT!

GET HELP!

Before it is too late