Nightmares (One of my very first pieces)

Bad dream in the night
The man wouldn't stop shouting at me
He was harsh and mean and unkind to me
And not just him
But the whole crowd that laughed around me

Bad dream in the night
I knew that man very well
He taught me twice
Rather once
But the subjects were two of a kind
The ground started to shake
Or maybe I was the one shaking
Out of fear, weakness and pain

Bad dream in the night
It wasn't nice
It wasn't happy
It was sad and depressing
Please don't happen in real life.

NOTE TO SELF:
       I post this to remind myself of how much I have grown
       I post this to remind myself of where I began
       I post this as a reminder that I am stronger now, than I was then
       I post this as proof that things do not work overnight. It takes time, patience and passion
       I post this as proof that indeed things get better, they are better now... and will keep getting better

NOTE TO YOU, YES YOU... my reader:
                             You can't forget the old you, because of the new you, you have become
                              Does that mean you live in the past?
                              No! I mean... appreciate the old you for getting you where you are now
                              A winner! Keep working towards a better you for yourself and others

Artistic Love

You don't feel how i feel towards you

But i am happy I can still love you

For if i can't love you in reality

I will love you in public

In the scribbles of my writings

Through my words of poetry

Through my lines of song

Through a love letter

I will love you with my entire being

I will pour out my heart and soul into every piece of art

I will bring you to life with my thoughts unwritten, unspoken

I will love you every day

I will love you every night

I will love you as though there is no tomorrow 

You don't feel how I feel towards you

But I am happy I can still love you

For if I can't love you in reality 

I will love you with the help of ink and paper 

Our vows permanent 

Our love public

And our unique love shall be remembered even when we are long gone

But I am hopeful that in the life after

I will physically love you 

For I'd have already artistically loved you

In my works of art

Greatness Is Acceptance of Self

Little black girl

Do stand up

Little black girl

Chin up

Little black girl

Come forward 

Stand in front of this mirror

Admire your little nose

Admire your little ears

Admire your little lips

Admire your little feet 

Admire your little hands

Admire your white crystal eyes 

And your white cream teeth

Admire your kinky ember black hair

Admire the beauty and grandeur you bear

little black girl

look at this mirror

Mark this date and remember

remember you are pretty

remember your skin is gold

remember its color an armor

remember you are great

No less of a human

for being a little black girl

Little black girl

I insist

Little black girl

For it is no shame to be one 

Little black girl

This poem is specially written for you

This poem is specifically written to you

Let no one

Belittle you 

Let no one

Break you 

Let no one

Mock you 

For being a little black girl 

For I once was a little black girl

And now I am a proud African Queen

You too are one in the making

Night Musings

i write in the night

when the stars shine bright

and the moon is my lamp

i write in the night

when its silent and dark

i write out my fears

I write out my doubts 

I dump them into the dark

Where I would like them to reside

I write in the night

With mellow slow songs playing in the background 

Lukas Graham singing his funeral song

Alan walker faded 

A night of sadness and deep thoughts 

I write in the night

The night he broke my heart

The night I was in denial

The night I thought it was an April fool's day joke

I write in the night

The night I got my first kiss 

From a charming prince 

Our love grew stronger 

With each sunrise

And each sunset

But now Bitter Sweet Memories

Sweet waters I should not have tasted

For they are now sour

No, not like lemon

For lemon is sweet to taste

I write in the night

For in the night is when I can clearly think

Silence...

The noise in my head.

Cheers to poetry written at night

I am meant to be asleep 

But my eyelids won't shut

Because my mind is awake

And there is no way it is letting the other parts of the body rest 

It is beckoning me to think of days past

It is imploring me to think of events yet to pass

I entertain both for a while 

Then rhetoric questions decide...

Don't you think life is full of wonder?

Don't you think you have grown up way too fast?

Are you really ready for the next phase of life?

Are you happy being the person you are?

I am meant to sleep 

But my eyelids won't shut

Because my mind is awake

And there is no way it is letting the other parts of the body rest

That's why I am learning to let my heart lead at times 

Because I bet I'd be asleep way before this time 

It is 2am in the night

The only noise,

My thoughts screaming to be heard.

Stuck Between a Hard Rock and a Hard Place

I'm stuck between a hard rock and a hard place

Haha not literally

but think about it

what if it was literal

would you not just pick out your phone and call your friends?

ask them to come for you and to carry a drill or a hammer?

Then they can come drill you out?

And smash the rock?

Haha

My Confession

My beginnings are as humble as God allowed them to be

A creature of dust

I am

From the ground He lifts me up

Having fallen more times than I can count

He reminds me it is not over

Until He says it is over.

I've broken His heart

As many times as the particles of sand

Particles of Sand in a desert

I don't know how true that is

Because I am not precise about how many there are

But that's how I feel

I have let Him down 

Too many times for me to count.

Unkept promises

An ungrateful child I am

Anger I have carried from dawn to dusk

Day after Day

I have been careless with my words

I have cared less for those He asks me to love.

I seek His pardon with a sincere heart

I feel unworthy to be in His presence

Yet I long for His embrace

which He lovingly gives

That I willingly refuse.

I punish myself 

I refuse to forgive myself 

Even when He says He has forgiven me

"Come to me child

I knew you before you were born

Named you

Loved you

Come to me child

I love You

as You are"

Forgiveness offered with unending love

Out of My Hands

My Mind can't comprehend its thoughts

It simply relays them to the body

Through the effects of the hypothalamus

The brain sends waves to the nerves

Nerve wrecked the body shakes

Nerve pain...

Please let it not be a stroke

All the stroke I can take is the stroke on my back

As he hugs me tight

As he tells me it is all right

Not to give up the fight

Of that which I really want.

My Mind can't comprehend its thoughts

It is confused about

Celibacy or Marriage

Solitude or Company.

Afraid to think

Afraid to blink

Afraid to speak

To speak of my fears that lie deep

Of loneliness and darkness

Of cold nights and an empty bed

Sleeping on the sofa set

That's small enough to feel cosy

To give me the illusion that i am not alone.

Afraid to imagine

Afraid to touch him

Afraid to call him honey

For he is real

I live in him

He lives in me

We live 

In the same house

Sleep

In the same bed

Share

The same wardrobe

Eat

On the same dining table

And soon

Little imitations of him and me

Will be roaming our sitting room

Soon they will be all grown up

Graduated

Married

Living in a house with a big swimming pool

Or...

What if that is not the case

That my case gets sensitive

small home

husband and wife

dull lives

quarreling nights

second wife

barren first wife..

What then?

Cry and pray

Pray and cry

Threaten to leave

A life I stopped living?

My Mind can't comprehend

Its thought of regret

My Body can't comprehend

Its marks of history

Its valleys of geography

Imprinted with a permanent marker

Case capitalized

Case closed

The verdict...

I'll let you decide

Tough Love

We lose ourselves

Not to find ourselves.

We lose ourselves

Because we let it happen.

We let ourselves

To be dragged by the motions of life.

We let ourselves

To not care about our dreams anymore.

We let ourselves

To become Lazy.

Then we are carried away by the drift

Daydreaming

Procrastinating

Of a life without meaning

Of a life that seeks nothing at all

Living lives that are not our own

Wasted time

Wasted potential

When will you wake up?

Cravings

I'd like to indulge in the pleasures of the world

wait...

don't misquote me

before you listen to what i have to say

i don't refer to the indulgence
the pleasures of premarital sex
that's the norm of my age this day
where love is merely sugar coated lust

i don't refer to the indulgence
the pleasures of drugs
that's the norm of my age this day
where weed is used more than managu, the weed

i refer to the indulgence
the pleasures of the beautiful sun before 11am
the sight of the rainbow in its glimmering colors
the sight of true love, accompanied by honest natural PDA
for yes... such still exists

despite the trash talk that goes around about it

Rumours of "They are Friends With Benefit" will spread

but reality is They are Friends Of Benefit

They care and love each other
Oblivious of the world
How they act in public is how they act in private
Remaining...
True to their love
True to themselves.

I refer to the indulgence
The pleasures of the scent of the earth when it is about to rain
the horrible smell of flowers unknown
Who said all pleasures need to be pleasurable?
A mothers joy is still her biggest pain;
the day she bares a child
Then the pain is washed away;

by the cry of the child

As she holds it;

to see the human she bore for 9 months

I'd like to indulge in the pleasures of the world because

I have been too busy worrying about tomorrow 

Instead of living in the present
I have been too busy chasing happiness in specific people
Instead of drawing happiness from everyday life
Blind to those who have always been my joy
Blind to the beauty of nature
Blind to the beauty I possess
Joy and love found within me
Happiness, a state of mind

Well then

I seek to pen off here

And now that you understand my cravings

Come join me

Let's indulge in the endless pleasures of the world: )

Dark Yet Lovely

She is a tornado dressed as the 11am sun

she sun kisses your soul without touching your body

she warms your heart at the perfect degree

she is but an appetite

she never serves main courses

She could be dessert

But with an after taste 

She is the ice cream you crave during summer 

the morning coffee that jump starts your brains

She knows how to sweeten your taste buds

Cool your temper 

And keep you hooked

She, a drug with no detox

Yet 

There is a but about her

Remember she is a tornado

No matter how beautiful 

No matter how charming 

No matter how calm she looks

She is a tornado

that needs the hand of God to calm down

And needs you to have the might and patience to wait it out

To eventually love her in her different seasons

For she will rain, her tears will flood her eyes

For she will rip off the roof of your heart

But her true skin is within her somewhere 

The 11am sun she is having a hard time keeping permanent

The calm night sky her eyes the stars

The moon her soul

She will brighten your life

Sooth your wounds

Tender to your being 

With warm loving hands.

Paint the City The Color Of My Skin

paint my city Black

royal dark blue as the Sudanese

black as ebony

black as coal

gold is the color of my complexion

paint my city Black

paint it with love

rub out the discrimination

paint in the peace

love my identity

proud to be me

love for humanity

black identity

i can be whoever i set out to be

paint my city Black 

no you cant touch my skin

or feel my hair

i ain't a monkey in a zoo

i am human like you

paint my city Black

my culture is unique 

I am not weak

I shall not be naive

I know my rights

I shall fight for my identity

Paint my city Black

As black as my skin

As red as my lips

As white as my teeth

A true African Queen

A Bad Haircut

So I went to my barber

For my usual haircut

I trusted no other barber

Except this one

I picked a fashion magazine

Turned the pages with interest

Got sucked in with the content of the pages

Relaxed and left him to do his work

Oops

Bad idea?

To assume this day will turn out like any other?

That I will lift my head off the pages of the magazine

Pay the barber

Glance at the mirror

Smile to myself

And walk out the barbers shop

With my Usual Haircut?

On this single day

The barber might have been having a bad day

Or it was just a reminder

That we are all human

Humans make mistakes

My barber can make a mistake -

Something I strongly doubted

My barber had actually made a mistake

He didn't give me my Usual Haircut

I am not one to shout

To cry

Or curse

He was already saying his sorry

That he wasn't careful with my hair

He was already begging

To make it alright

And I let him

Correct his mistake

And guess what?

A temporary bad haircut

Turned out to be my next big brand

And now it is my permanent

Though I don't long for another bad haircut

For it might not take a good turn

As this current one:)

Blank

Blank

As a white sheet of paper

Empty

As a vacated room ready for demolition

Blank pages

Empty spaces

Black life

Hollow shell

A caged soul

A wrecked ship

A disembodied being

What's left worth saving?

She stares

She petrifies 

Hollow sad globe eyes

She speaks 

Skunks have nothing on her

Stench of death she reeks

She's a walking corpse

An apocalypse that can't be stopped 

The virus has spread

Faster than the oxgen you inhale and the carbon (IV) oxide you exhale

She's a ticking time bomb

Who'll bring down 100square feet of those around her

Understand

Crazy

Tormented

Trapped

Hopeless

Helpless

Abandoned

Condemned

Torture

Not thinking straight

Not feeling straight

Not seeing straight

Not behaving straight

Screw up

Lazy

Trouble

Emotional wreck

Voices in my head

Pain in my chest

Emptiness in my stomach

Weakness in my bones

Stop

Stooop

Please...

Sto..o..p

I can't take it no more

Free me

Unchain me

Let go of me

Hold me close

Let me cry it out

Let me draw it out

Don't turn off the lights

Don't take me back to darkness

Be my light

Don't let me go

Don't judge me

Just love me

Grammar

The dawn of a new day

Or is it a new day has dawned?

I will let you decide which fits best.

With what I am about to say,

Grammar matters.

But entirely for the purposes of ensuring you say what you exactly mean

Rather than to make a person struggle,

For them to understand what you want to say.

This is such an example of what may or may not make sense

Rather you have to read it keenly

To make sense of it.

Just but the beginning of the journey...

They look at me as though I am dirt

Smelly and rotten

Like I am from the cabbage garbage dump

They call me names

Tag my black tough pony tails

Poke my skin with sticks and stones

Just to see if I can bleed

Just to see if they can wash my skin clean

I bet they would soak me in bleach

To see if that would work on me

Yet my pony tails and skin

Hold the tales of my ancestry

White little eyes

At the corner of the class

Foreign in the environment she is in

Made to feel like a housefly in a bowl of soup

Disgusting and unwanted

She stares brave

She stands bare

Not hiding from the onlookers

Her fellow classmates

Examining her like an extinct animal

As though they are at a zoo

Taking photos 

Pointing fingers 

Fright in their eyes

But she is a small little girl 

She can't bite 

She is just black

Mother wasn't for the idea

Daddy proclaimed, 

"She is my strong little girl.

She will do fine in her new school. 

She will represent our race well. 

She is as worthy to study in that university

As any other person

Pink, red, black or white."

Mother let go

Tears she held close 

But careful not to let any drop drop

From her big white eyes 

As she saw the same eyes stare at her

From the body of her grown little girl 

She had to be strong

Not just for her

But for every other child as her own

Black and unwanted 

Condemned and ridiculed

Deemed illiterate and backward

Not worthy of education 

Just slavery

The Life in Words

Don't blame me for my words

that flow out my mouth

through the path of my soul to my heart

my every nerve

Not forgetting my mind

For being involved sometimes

Don't blame me for my words

That cut across your heart

That make you shed a tear or two

Or causes you to rethink your life

For What's my purpose of writing?

If it doesn't move you?

Make you think twice?

Touch your soul?

Strike your every being?

Dis-harden your heart?

Motivate you in the process?

To move you to do something about injustice?

To make you think twice about judging, discrimination...? - the list is endless

To touch your soul with my bitter sweet words?

To strike your every being so as to attain a new way of thinking, feeling and treating others?

That's positive and peaceful?

To dis-harden your heart to accept love, to show love, to share love, to be human?

Don't blame me for my words 

I don't have control over them

They have a mind of their own

They have a flow of their own

I just follow

Where they lead me

I just follow

For I am a vessel

I just follow

For I am a medium

I just follow

Because it may be my purpose

Break the Silence

Today they all came knocking at my door

I refused to open up

So they brought down the door

All my walls came crashing down 

Marble and cement 

Dust and rocks

Bent metals

Broken windows

Seeking to destroy the foundation 

Only time will tell if she stands on firm ground. 

He listens to the rhyme of his breathing 

Because he no longer trusts the rhythm of his heart beat

His mind unravels day by day

His body feels every pain

At the edge of the building he stands

Weighing what choice to make

One push

he falls

No push

he jumps

It's evident

He gave up a long time ago. 

They were stars

That didn't glow in the dark

Obscured by their own insecurities,

Illusions, delusions, hallucinations

Lost in their own reality

Missing a big chunk of themselves

Yanked out?

Spat out?

Trashed?

Crashed? 

Self hate and depression

SHOUT!

SPEAK OUT!

GET HELP!

Before it is too late

The Uncertainty of Tomorrow

Tomorrow

Isn't the past

Tomorrow

Isn't the present

Tomorrow

Is rather the future

Uncertain

Blind

And a bargain

The uncertainty of tomorrow

Causes anxiety and worry 

That we are blind to the events and existence of tomorrow

Causes panic and unrest

Tomorrow as a bargain

Is dreaded by most

A bid of possibilities and impossibilities

For Tomorrow

May never come

For Tomorrow

May be your last

A Tomorrow

Filled with procrastinations

Tomorrow

A falsification that we are immortal?

That we still have time?

To correct our wrongs?

To be better individuals?

To accomplish our goals?

To procrastinate some more?

The impermanence of Today

Bears the gift of Tomorrow

The impermanence of Today

Makes us value every second we get

The impermanence of Today

Today becomes Tomorrow

The impermanence of Tomorrow

The Time Cycle of Life

A Tomorrow filled with

Hope

Dreams

Visions

Positivity

That it is Rainy Today

Doesn't mean it won't be Sunny Tomorrow

Tomorrow 

A chance that may carry greatness with it

How you shape your Today

Shall help shape your Tomorrow