Night Musings

i write in the night

when the stars shine bright

and the moon is my lamp

i write in the night

when its silent and dark

i write out my fears

I write out my doubts 

I dump them into the dark

Where I would like them to reside

I write in the night

With mellow slow songs playing in the background 

Lukas Graham singing his funeral song

Alan walker faded 

A night of sadness and deep thoughts 

I write in the night

The night he broke my heart

The night I was in denial

The night I thought it was an April fool's day joke

I write in the night

The night I got my first kiss 

From a charming prince 

Our love grew stronger 

With each sunrise

And each sunset

But now Bitter Sweet Memories

Sweet waters I should not have tasted

For they are now sour

No, not like lemon

For lemon is sweet to taste

I write in the night

For in the night is when I can clearly think

Silence...

The noise in my head.

Cheers to poetry written at night

I am meant to be asleep 

But my eyelids won't shut

Because my mind is awake

And there is no way it is letting the other parts of the body rest 

It is beckoning me to think of days past

It is imploring me to think of events yet to pass

I entertain both for a while 

Then rhetoric questions decide...

Don't you think life is full of wonder?

Don't you think you have grown up way too fast?

Are you really ready for the next phase of life?

Are you happy being the person you are?

I am meant to sleep 

But my eyelids won't shut

Because my mind is awake

And there is no way it is letting the other parts of the body rest

That's why I am learning to let my heart lead at times 

Because I bet I'd be asleep way before this time 

It is 2am in the night

The only noise,

My thoughts screaming to be heard.

Stuck Between a Hard Rock and a Hard Place

I'm stuck between a hard rock and a hard place

Haha not literally

but think about it

what if it was literal

would you not just pick out your phone and call your friends?

ask them to come for you and to carry a drill or a hammer?

Then they can come drill you out?

And smash the rock?

Haha

My Confession

My beginnings are as humble as God allowed them to be

A creature of dust

I am

From the ground He lifts me up

Having fallen more times than I can count

He reminds me it is not over

Until He says it is over.

I've broken His heart

As many times as the particles of sand

Particles of Sand in a desert

I don't know how true that is

Because I am not precise about how many there are

But that's how I feel

I have let Him down 

Too many times for me to count.

Unkept promises

An ungrateful child I am

Anger I have carried from dawn to dusk

Day after Day

I have been careless with my words

I have cared less for those He asks me to love.

I seek His pardon with a sincere heart

I feel unworthy to be in His presence

Yet I long for His embrace

which He lovingly gives

That I willingly refuse.

I punish myself 

I refuse to forgive myself 

Even when He says He has forgiven me

"Come to me child

I knew you before you were born

Named you

Loved you

Come to me child

I love You

as You are"

Forgiveness offered with unending love

Out of My Hands

My Mind can't comprehend its thoughts

It simply relays them to the body

Through the effects of the hypothalamus

The brain sends waves to the nerves

Nerve wrecked the body shakes

Nerve pain...

Please let it not be a stroke

All the stroke I can take is the stroke on my back

As he hugs me tight

As he tells me it is all right

Not to give up the fight

Of that which I really want.

My Mind can't comprehend its thoughts

It is confused about

Celibacy or Marriage

Solitude or Company.

Afraid to think

Afraid to blink

Afraid to speak

To speak of my fears that lie deep

Of loneliness and darkness

Of cold nights and an empty bed

Sleeping on the sofa set

That's small enough to feel cosy

To give me the illusion that i am not alone.

Afraid to imagine

Afraid to touch him

Afraid to call him honey

For he is real

I live in him

He lives in me

We live 

In the same house

Sleep

In the same bed

Share

The same wardrobe

Eat

On the same dining table

And soon

Little imitations of him and me

Will be roaming our sitting room

Soon they will be all grown up

Graduated

Married

Living in a house with a big swimming pool

Or...

What if that is not the case

That my case gets sensitive

small home

husband and wife

dull lives

quarreling nights

second wife

barren first wife..

What then?

Cry and pray

Pray and cry

Threaten to leave

A life I stopped living?

My Mind can't comprehend

Its thought of regret

My Body can't comprehend

Its marks of history

Its valleys of geography

Imprinted with a permanent marker

Case capitalized

Case closed

The verdict...

I'll let you decide

Tough Love

We lose ourselves

Not to find ourselves.

We lose ourselves

Because we let it happen.

We let ourselves

To be dragged by the motions of life.

We let ourselves

To not care about our dreams anymore.

We let ourselves

To become Lazy.

Then we are carried away by the drift

Daydreaming

Procrastinating

Of a life without meaning

Of a life that seeks nothing at all

Living lives that are not our own

Wasted time

Wasted potential

When will you wake up?

Cravings

I'd like to indulge in the pleasures of the world

wait...

don't misquote me

before you listen to what i have to say

i don't refer to the indulgence
the pleasures of premarital sex
that's the norm of my age this day
where love is merely sugar coated lust

i don't refer to the indulgence
the pleasures of drugs
that's the norm of my age this day
where weed is used more than managu, the weed

i refer to the indulgence
the pleasures of the beautiful sun before 11am
the sight of the rainbow in its glimmering colors
the sight of true love, accompanied by honest natural PDA
for yes... such still exists

despite the trash talk that goes around about it

Rumours of "They are Friends With Benefit" will spread

but reality is They are Friends Of Benefit

They care and love each other
Oblivious of the world
How they act in public is how they act in private
Remaining...
True to their love
True to themselves.

I refer to the indulgence
The pleasures of the scent of the earth when it is about to rain
the horrible smell of flowers unknown
Who said all pleasures need to be pleasurable?
A mothers joy is still her biggest pain;
the day she bares a child
Then the pain is washed away;

by the cry of the child

As she holds it;

to see the human she bore for 9 months

I'd like to indulge in the pleasures of the world because

I have been too busy worrying about tomorrow 

Instead of living in the present
I have been too busy chasing happiness in specific people
Instead of drawing happiness from everyday life
Blind to those who have always been my joy
Blind to the beauty of nature
Blind to the beauty I possess
Joy and love found within me
Happiness, a state of mind

Well then

I seek to pen off here

And now that you understand my cravings

Come join me

Let's indulge in the endless pleasures of the world: )