Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Lost

Feeling lost
Walking in directions I do not know
I have no clear definition of things
I want something
But I do not know what
I want to be happy always
But do I know what ''happy'' is?
Trying to accept things as they are
But I do not know how
Thus give me the right formula
For I got none.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

I didn't kill my son

I didn't kill my son
He was just a reminder of my past
A past that I had kept locked at the back of my mind
But he saw it fit to bring it all back
And now the past is a Fresh memory
As though it all happened yesterday
I tried to think of the future
Tried to convince myself that he was not to blame
Tried to convince myself that I could love him
Tried to convince myself that his father's sin wasn't his
But I couldn't deal with the trauma of seeing him each day
For he took the form of his father
A stranger I saw once
The day he took my innocence away
In a bush
As I was walking back home from school

I didn't kill my son
I was simply being a mother
A mother filled with care and love for her son
A mother who would sacrifice her joy, her happiness, her entire being for the sake of her son
For his well being came first
Such motherly Love that made me cry to see my son wail in pain
Such motherly Love that would have made me give him my life if it were possible
I just wanted his suffering to stop
I just wanted to take his pain away
I didn't know what other way to bring him peace
Other than stopping his misery as he lay in his hospital bed
It was a slow painless death
He is at peace now
And so am I that I know he isn't in pain anymore

I didn't kill my son
I was teaching him how to become a man
Because his father refused to acknowledge him as his child
Forcing me to teach him how to be tough
Forcing me to take up a responsibility I didn't know much about
But the lesson went south instead of west
He hit his head on the bark of a tree
In our little backyard
As I was teaching him to wrestle and stand up for himself in a fight
I cried out for him to wake up
To stand up like a man
And not lay down for having been punched by a lady
But he didn't wake up when I called his name
All I remember was blood
His blood
Acting like a cushion
Under his head

I didn't kill my son
I didn't mean to kill him
It was self defense
But I know he didn't mean to attack me
My son loves me
He wouldn't dare hurt me
He wasn't himself that night when he came home drank
Holding a gun in his hand
Only the heavens know where he got the gun
Or what made him drink that much that night
For he hated wines and spirits
He was a good son
The best son any mother would have loved to have
I was trying to take the gun away from his hands
I didn't want him hurting anyone or better yet himself
But it was too late
And now he is my late son
For the gun went off and there was death silence
As I watched him breath his last breath

I am a mother to a dead son
But still a mother
I cry for his return each night
I long to see him walk through the door each day
Mothers wish the best for their kids
And an early death of our kids isn't one of those best wishes we have for them
This isn't me justifying his death by my hands
But do you still think I
Killed my son?

Fragile Heart

"Be fragile with me", she says
Hold me like an egg which you are trying so hard not to break
Before you can get to make toasted bread

Hold me with the fragility of holding a new born baby
One born prematurely at the sixth month of pregnancy
A little angel striving hard to survive in this unfortunate world
Cause even the air outside it's incubator could kill it in a second
Thus care and love me like there is no tomorrow to look forward to
Let our infinity be the here and now

"Don't let me go", she pleads
Don't let me run to the arms of another
For you are what I need and not what I want
Content fully with the inner peace you have given me,
The joy of seeing you is what I look forward to everyday
And The joy of seeing the same joy in your eyes is what I strive to achieve for the rest of our days

"This fragile heart wouldn't mind getting hurt", she told me
Pain that yields greatness I shall bare
Pain of losing everything to gain much more I shall endure
For Christ did the same for us to get salvation
He bared Himself naked to the world
He carried all our crosses
Got humiliated and spat on for our sake
And got nailed on the cross with two thieves by his sides
And He did all this for you and me to be free.

I shall shout our love to the world to hear
I shall write it down on paper for it to be clear
All this to proof that I believe we can make it work
We are both fragile hearts
Just looking for love

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Your Luxury is My Necessity

One man's meat is another man's poison
Your need is someone else's comfort
Your comfort is someone else's need
The beauty of life?
Or
The unfair nature of life?
I will let you decide.

A man sleeping on the cold streets at night
Wishes he at least had a carton for his mattress
Other than the cold tarmac 
Or the cold side walk he sleeps on

A man sleeping on the cold streets at night
Wishes he had a worn out mattress
Other than the carton he has had for most of his street life
Having worn out after being rained on for several days
Torn almost non existent as a mattress to lay his head on

A man sleeping on the cold streets at night
Wishes he could get a telephone booth with a roof for the night
To shelter his head from the rain
To have his space of someplace to spent the night
In his dreams he calls it a hotel room
A mere dream most nights
And a fantasy he lives through on blessed nights, he calls them,
The few nights he gets a telephone booth to sleep in
Before he finds someone else already occupied it
Or the paid excavator removed them all
As everyone can currently own a smart phone
And there is no need for telephone booths anymore

A man sleeping on the cold streets at night
Wishes he went to school
He strongly believes that his life would have turned out differently
No maybes or what ifs
He is certain he would not be on the streets
Begging for money and drinks
Necessities to help him exist

A man sleeping on the cold streets at night
Wishes he had skills
Skills to build himself a mabati house
From all the scrap metal he keeps selling
"The city will never run out of scraps", he tells himself
For pollution is what man enjoys to do most
Out of ignorance
Out of irresponsibility
Out of pride
You say that you are creating employment for someone else
But I call it stupidity for you are killing humanity
Destroying the land
And yet you are the first to complain
"Oh The city is dirty. Someone should clean it up!"
You demand
You insist 
But do you do your part?
"A good citizen" you call yourself
But a hypocrite I call you
If you cleaned after yourself
And I cleaned after myself
Wouldn't the city be clean?
And we can hire people to tend to the flowers?
Plant more trees?
Dig more bore holes?
Don't give lame excuses for your unclean nature

A man leaving in a mabati house
Wishes he could earn a little more
To be able to move to a wooden house
To avoid freezing to death when it is too cold
Or cooking alive when it is too hot
For the iron sheets don't react too well to the two extremes
Uncomfortable living
Striving for comfortable living
But what is your purpose for earning a little more?
To exploit the ones around you?
To what extreme will you go to earn a penny for the wrong reason?
Sell drugs to minors?
Is child trafficking and human trafficking your pleasure?
What if they were your child?
What if they were your parent?
What if it was you?
The seller becomes the item of trade
Would you then smile?
Would you then agree to what you were doing to others?
Copper cut into circles
A number embedded on it during the melting process
Then given value
Is it for such you kill someone?
You call it money
It is a metal 
A mineral item given importance because someone decided
"Batter trade doesn't work anymore!
Let's invent something that will not rot!"
Then give value to it and ask for it so as to offer a service or a good
Receive if for the service we offer or the good we sell
It may have value
But human value is higher than it

A man living in a wooden house
Wishes he had curtains for his walls
Do some interior decor
Hide the rotting wall
For paint doesn't help that much
And wallpaper is a luxury for him
His next big dream is to move to a stone house
But will his dream ever come true?

A man living in a stone house
Feels content
Before other priorities kick in
Human sanitation
Sharing bathrooms and the toilet with the neighbors
Cooking in the same room he sleeps
And it seems like he may soon have a permanent roommate
A wife
And kids may follow soon in the equation
So he wishes he had a bigger room 
"At least with a kitchen", he tells himself

A man living in a stone house
Wishes he had the toilet and the bathroom inside the house
Same way as he has a kitchen
He fears to leave his house at night to go relieve himself
As security in our current world has worsened
Gone are the days when you could live in a house without a fence or a gate round it
Gone are the days when you could go to bed with your house not under lock and key and a security alarm
Gone are the days when you could walk out in the night to see the beauty of the sky
Gone are the days when the night was meant for people to be in their homes resting
The night is now a place to be dreaded
For bad people lurk in the night
Robbers and rapists just a few to state

A man living in a stone house
Which has a kitchen and a sanitation area inbuilt
Wishes he had more than one room
A bedroom for himself and his wife
"The children are growing up", he says
"It ain't proper that parents and children sleep in the same room"

The child who sleeps in the sitting area
Wishes he had his own room
A teenager looking for privacy
Looking for his own identity
The "Who am I"
Patience grows thin at times
Anger rages on
Looking for the sense of independence and responsibility
Too young to rent his own place
But at least he can dominate his own room

The child with his own room
Wishes to have a plasma TV installed in it
With the latest Play Station and Home Theater
Does he even know some other child is sleeping hungry out there?
With no clothes or shoes to wear?

All these the diversities of life
You have 
But are not thankful of what you have
You forget someone else like you lucks what you've got
Thin line between necessities and luxuries
For certain necessities are people's luxuries
And certain luxuries are people's necessities
Are you the person who takes having clean water to drink and flush your toilet a by-the-way
The person who takes having a car a necessity
And living in a house worth Ksh. 430,000 per month a luxury?
Or are you the person who takes having clean water to drink a blessing
The person who takes getting water clean or dirty to flush the shared toilet a necessity
One necessity among many that you strive hard to get fulfilled
And moving to live in a wooden house a luxury you hope one day to be able to afford?

Parting shot
Take time to be thankful for what you have
Don't be proud or think it is normal to own what you own
Don't misuse resources
Don't live in ignorance
Don't stop dreaming
Don't stop striving to achieve your dream
Live for a better tomorrow
And be an ambassador of a better tomorrow
Stop and rethink your life


Wednesday, September 30, 2015

It's all part of life

It's all part of life
To be born and To die

It's all part of life
To love and To get your heart broken

It's all part of life
To succeed and To fail

It's all part of life
To have good days and To have bad days

It's all part of life
To laugh and To cry

It's all part of life
To decide to forgive and To want revenge

It's all part of life
To have something to share and To lack something to share

It's all part of life
To love something and to loathe something

But remember one thing
To whom much is given
Much is expected
To whom little is given
They still need to work as hard as the one to whom much is given

Whether life is unfair or not
Is not worth wasting time complaining about it
But time to use what you already have
To attain what you want
So get your priorities straight
And stop wasting time

It's all part of life
To either be among the minority who choose to do the best they can to make the world a better place
or to be among the majority who complain of everything that's wrong in the world
But dare do nothing about it

It's all part of life
That you loose some and you win some
But the choice is yours to make
Which part of life do you want to define you?

Friday, September 4, 2015

Ever wondered


Ever wondered how your life would be if you were born in a different family from the one you are in?
Ever wondered how your life would have ended up if you made different choices in the past?
Ever wondered what would have happened if you handled a past situation differently?

Would things still end up how they are now?
Would I still become the person I am today 
If I made different friends from the ones I have?
Is my life a written permanent script that cannot be changed?

More questions without answers
More wondering
But does it all matter?

Well stop wondering
For that's the past
We are now in the present
Looking forward to the future
So let by gones
Be bye gones

If you lost your entire self
Well pick up yourself
Stop lamenting and complaining
And start to rebuild yourself
Make the present and future you
Better than the past you

If you lost a part of you
Well use what is left of you
To fix yourself
To become a new being
Better than the broken you

If you have been looking at one side of the coin for too long
Well it is time to flip the coin and view the other side
For it may be prettier than the one you are used to
Or of more value and worth

If you have been concentrating on the pain and the hurt
Well it is time you concentrated on repaying pain and hurt with love
Disappointment and disapproval with acceptance and more love
For love is the answer

Smile when insulted
Pray for the one who plans evil against you
Help the one who wouldn't help you
Do all these with love in your heart
For their benefit and positive gain
Not for yours
Let their joy and their happiness
Be your joy and happiness

Offer a flower to the broken hearted as a sign of new hope
Rejoice at the successes of others
Feel the pain at the failure of others
Do all these without malice
For their pain is your pain
For their failure is your failure
For their success is your success

Stop wondering
Start living
Accept your past
Accept your present
Work towards your future