A Letter to my Son

Dear son,

I write you this letter to let you know that I loved you so much and that killing you was the only way to rid you of your pain. I couldn't take it no more to see you toss and turn in your little bed crying in pain. I watched each day as the disease  strived to take your life away and
I couldn't take it no more to hear you cry out my name for me to make the pain go away. I am your mother my dear son, but  ain't a doctor whose work ethics won't let him give into mercy killing. I wish there would have been another way my dear son, to ease your pain, but I was left with no options. The doctors couldn't help you and I didn't have the money to support you. To buy you painkillers or take you to India for treatment were deemed luxuries by the coins I had in my pocket. Forgive me son for taking you to your grave but it was the only way out, the single option I had left, to make the pain go away. The constant noises from the neighbours to make you hush so they could sleep at night annoyed me so much. Didn't they see that you were in pain? Didn't they see how much I struggled for you to be well? To cry in joy and not in pain? They pushed me my son and further aggravated me. They spoke as though I wasn't caring well enough for you and thus feared that they would take you away from me and I would have ended up never seeing you again. I thus had to send you to heaven first my son but don't worry, I will be joining you soon for the poison I put in your food this morning, is the poison I have put in my food this evening.
See you soon my son, in a land where you shall feel pain no more.

Signed,
Your loving mum.

My Wall

So I am seated 

Seated staring blankly at the wall

A physical structure built from concrete and stone

It's peaceful

But yet so cold

A chance to clear my thoughts

A moment of true shock

A chance to be true to myself

A moment I dread the most

Shhhhhh

Don't say a word at all

Can you hear it?

Can you feel it?

Can you see it?

Look closely

You will know it all

Don't stand in front of me

Don't take me away from my wall

Don't break it down for me

Don't give it the slightest dot

Don't crack it open

Treat it as the shell of a dinosaur's egg

Be gentle

Just STOP! Stare and Watch

A Clear White Wall

A clear white wall

No crack 

No spot

A clear white wall

Two cracks

Two spots

A clear white wall

Many cracks

Many spots

A clear white wall

There is perfection and imperfection in them all

A clear white wall

As clear as crystal

As white as snow

We are all clear white walls

Beautiful to look at

Superb works of art

Refreshing and mind blowing

The creation of first impression

But we have two cracks two spots

We have many cracks many spots

These are our differences

What makes us unique

A crack on a clear white wall

That shows beauty

That shows emotion

A clear white wall

My representation of you and me

Rain

One, two, many,
So the rain starts dropping.

One, two, many
I call them tears from heaven
God and the angels crying
Pity in their eyes because of the reckless lives we live
Sorrow in their eyes for the large masses of people;
Young and old,
Rich and famous,
Poor and forgotten,
being buried today, tomorrow, everyday.
Tears they hope and wish could cleanse the human race and bring them sanctifying grace.

One, two, many
That's how it started
The destruction of the first human race
Because of their immoral living
It all dates back to Genesis
The story of Noah and the ark
His three sons and their wives
Animals went in two by two each of every kind
The appearance of the rainbow
Marked the end of the destruction
God's promise
Not to destroy mankind again
By the use of water

One, two, many
You'll be drenched in water
If your clothes are not made of leather
If you don't own an umbrella,
A car, a rain coat or got any control over the weather
To calm it down or make it stop
As Jesus Christ did
That stormy night
In the little boat that his disciplines sailed

One, two, many
The rain stops pouring
The rainbow comes out to play
With radiant colors
red and orange,
yellow and grey,
blue and indigo
and let's not forget violet
After the rain comes beauty

Let me be your Val

Let me be the Val of your time
Let us intertwine to make one vine
Bound to all eternity with love
Mind you not lust
The beauty of the rose flower
I bestow upon you
It's sweet scent
Gifts your nose
It's Crimson red
A color with meaning
A simple flower
With much importance
Making every prick of it's thorn
Worth it all

Let me be the Val in your time
Let me be
Your Valentine

Lost

Feeling lost

Walking in directions I do not know

I have no clear definition of things

I want something

But I do not know what

I want to be happy always

But do I know what ''happy'' is?

Trying to accept things as they are

But I do not know how

Thus give me the right formula

For I got none.

I didn't kill my son

I didn't kill my son
He was just a reminder of my past
A past that I had kept locked at the back of my mind
But he saw it fit to bring it all back
And now the past is a Fresh memory
As though it all happened yesterday
I tried to think of the future
Tried to convince myself that he was not to blame
Tried to convince myself that I could love him
Tried to convince myself that his father's sin wasn't his
But I couldn't deal with the trauma of seeing him each day
For he took the form of his father
A stranger I saw once
The day he took my innocence away
In a bush
As I was walking back home from school

I didn't kill my son
I was simply being a mother
A mother filled with care and love for her son
A mother who would sacrifice her joy, her happiness, her entire being for the sake of her son
For his well being came first
Such motherly Love that made me cry to see my son wail in pain
Such motherly Love that would have made me give him my life if it were possible
I just wanted his suffering to stop
I just wanted to take his pain away
I didn't know what other way to bring him peace
Other than stopping his misery as he lay in his hospital bed
It was a slow painless death
He is at peace now
And so am I that I know he isn't in pain anymore

I didn't kill my son
I was teaching him how to become a man
Because his father refused to acknowledge him as his child
Forcing me to teach him how to be tough
Forcing me to take up a responsibility I didn't know much about
But the lesson went south instead of west
He hit his head on the bark of a tree
In our little backyard
As I was teaching him to wrestle and stand up for himself in a fight
I cried out for him to wake up
To stand up like a man
And not lay down for having been punched by a lady
But he didn't wake up when I called his name
All I remember was blood
His blood
Acting like a cushion
Under his head

I didn't kill my son
I didn't mean to kill him
It was self defense
But I know he didn't mean to attack me
My son loves me
He wouldn't dare hurt me
He wasn't himself that night when he came home drank
Holding a gun in his hand
Only the heavens know where he got the gun
Or what made him drink that much that night
For he hated wines and spirits
He was a good son
The best son any mother would have loved to have
I was trying to take the gun away from his hands
I didn't want him hurting anyone or better yet himself
But it was too late
And now he is my late son
For the gun went off and there was death silence
As I watched him breath his last breath

I am a mother to a dead son
But still a mother
I cry for his return each night
I long to see him walk through the door each day
Mothers wish the best for their kids
And an early death of our kids isn't one of those best wishes we have for them
This isn't me justifying his death by my hands
But do you still think I
Killed my son?